“I’m not in this world to live up to your expectations and you’re not in this world to live up to mine. ”​

 

And I was one of them who lived up to others.

 

Once at a proposal of my first internship at an architectural firm, the administrator pointed at me with thick, jeweled fingers and said harshly: “ From tomorrow, I don’t want to see any irrational imaginations on these papers! Why can’t you do the same as everyone else does in the room?” I was confused with infinite question marks emerging, because at the time, my designs were full of organic forms inspired by James Stirling, which were difficult to construct compared to stiff rectangles with faceless glass. I was told to put away the unrealistic drawings and models I created on my desk. Even though my imaginative desire to pursue what I always loved persisted, I could feel the inch of tears behind my eyes.

 

I started examining myself – Am I doing the right thing? I had no other choice. The next day I stuck to the expectations and got rid of all of my imaginative thoughts, sketching feasible designs, modifying digital models, and extruding physical prototypes. Except the anxiety and passion inside my soul were absent, frightened to reveal their appearance.

 

Impressions and claims soon arrived, praise and impressiveness began to appear from the people around the office. The delights and enthusiasm through the congratulations felt much more adequate to apprehend, but it led me back to resolve the question about the right thing. I may have done something for their disposition, but is that really what I want? Being claimed for a fake mask that has nothing beneath? I had my answer. Art cannot be empty.

 

It was not when I realized that I care the most about freedom, the right to express myself, and explicate my emotions. Even in situations when you cannot receive the reactions you want. Being exactly the person they want you to be is never the clarification. It may undoubtedly secrete your existence, as if chameleons with camouflage, but following a long period of time, they might be perplexed recognizing how they really look like. I could not live my life just for others to look at and hide my true values bounded to a point I do not even remember.

 

I am not in this world to live up to them.

 

Which is also why I started working on one of my own art series - Inside Out. Expressing how my passion for art is an illumination that exists profoundly in my soul. Even when obstacles and self-doubt take over the majority of thoughts, the thrill and truth I acquire from art will never fade; art is the constant. It highlights the contradiction of the individual, who has their own path in the subconscious, but may have already been formed by society and others' expectations. Living out of others’ opinion and, indeed, being your true self as unique selves; is the best way for you to reveal your value and truly paraphrase your purpose in life.

 

We all know that sometimes following what others say might be more comfortable to stomach, but it is that discomfort that makes you stand out, makes you who you really are. There is no reason to stop just because someone commented on your work as being “irrational” or “unrealistic”. My artmaking today, may be beyond reality or against expectations, and I believe that is the right thing. No timidity, no hiding. Perhaps my words are not as effective as Bruce Lee’s; after all, I know what I am living up to. 

 

I am in this world to live up to my true self.